I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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