Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
