Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
