It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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