i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
