Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
