I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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