there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
