I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
