he puts the penis in happiness.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
