You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
