Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
