I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
