the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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