Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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