Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
