Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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