Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
