she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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