The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
