you traded sex for a burrito?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
