I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Congratulations! We have a period
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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