Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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