This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
