Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
