can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
