So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
