we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
