i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
