You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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