So drunk its hurt
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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