Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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