listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
