I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
