if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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