Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
