how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
