That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
