I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
