So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
