I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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