don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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