I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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