Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
