I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
