forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
