We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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