glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
