im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
