I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
